Love and Cigarettes?!?!

This incident happened loooong back in my life.. well, not so long actually.. four-five years back. But it seems like eons to me now. Maybe coz of the radical changes that happened to me since then I guess. I was in eleventh grade in St. Thomas Residential School , a very prestigious school in my city. I was sitting on a concrete bench by the beautifully maintained front garden of my school with a respected senior of mine.

I dunno why he was famous or revered, but he was. He was kinda the quintessential heart throbe of the loved-by-all beautiful gals in the campus. All gals had a crush on him. He was their hero. He was the typical NRI mallu. Rich, spoilt, handsome, cheerful.. blah blah blah..

We were sitting together and I wasnt exactly the studious kind either. So he dint quite hate me. It would be hard to say he respected me either, but then the moment had some speciality. For, he felt like talking to me and was in a mood to give me some "gyaan". About life and about his attitude, which he considered ,like any other campus hero, to be a very beautiful one.

It happened coz I asked him why he liked smoking. Oh yea, forgot to say that. He was smoking. He was taking long draughts from a RED he was holding. The famous marlboro reds were even more famous in the locality coz it was hard to lay hands on. Globalisation was slow to hit my city maybe. Or was it coz of the low market it had? well,not because it was very costly compared to the rest instead because it was famous and so people hesitated to have one. It was a pressure to be using one because else , once u start using it, u will be categorised as the uber rich and it will be difficult to maintain the standards in the other associated fields like owning a cool imported car and costly shoes and goggles and other accessories and all. I guess its still hard to find marlboros down there. Anyways, he said:
" its a style statement for me. Besides I love smoking. Started it when I was back in Dubai." (which incidentally meant he started smoking when he was in third grade. But I chose not to question him. He was a famous figure. Questioning him might have put me in the above mentioned group I feared.)

But then, he did not stop there. He went on to tell me how many things he does reflect the same ideas, about maintaining the iconic image and all. Then, all of a sudden a famous chick in the campus came and sat on his other side and gave him a peck on his cheek. It was me who blushed and not him. She told him something about meeting him sometime in the evening after tuitions or something which I heard obviously acting as though I did not. They looked cute together. She was his current gal. Yea, current.

He was famous for having had affairs with atleast 4-5 girls in the campus. She left with her friends soon after the short "show of love". Did I not see atleast two of her friends blushing just like me? I dunno. I had the impression I did. Anyways, as soon as she left , he looked at me and obviously noticing the expression on my face said, "relax.. she asked me and not u" :D

Well, I had to ask him something. The light mood that he was obviously in gave me the chance and I took it. I asked him, " Are u people in love?"

He took a full fledged breath and stretched back a bit and for the first time showing a sign of shyness told me,"yes, we are in love".

The answer confused me. Because I distinctly remembered him telling the same thing about another gal to a friend of mine two three weeks back at somewhat the same spot. I was not afraid to point that out to him.

Then came the statement that I remembered for a long time after that. I still do. And that is why I am blogging this. I dunno what prompted him. Maybe the presence of a fast finishing cigarette in his hand or maybe the thought of the other gal or both. He said " Love is like a cigarette." I was again feeling lost. I did not quite grasp the meaning of what he said. I frankly said that to him expecting an explanation to satiate the questions that arised now in my mind. Mind you, I was not the kinda person constantly in search for wisdom or anything. Just that the topic, love, was amusing to me. It always is, guess, for a teenager trying to understand the difference between love and what he feels when he sees every other good looking gal. He told me that love is a feeling that burns inside you when u see that special someone (or the group of ppl maybe for him,i thought privately!) and then there is bliss. You love every second of it. It burns in you for some time until u begin to lose interest after some time. You know you cant have it forever,it will end.Once it does, you crave for another one.The new one feels exactly the same or even better at times , just like a cigarette. And hence, he concluded solemnly, "Love is like a cigarette."

He left after saying that leaving me pondering over what he just said. Why was I getting the feeling that I did not understand what he said? Was he wrong? Or was it because I was not a smoker and so would not understand? I left the question un answered then. I had tuitions to go to myself.

But now, I smoke and I am in love. And I chanced to remember that statement once again coz of some personal reason of mine today, while I was in class tightly gripping the pack of goldflakes in my pocket craving to come out of class and smoke.

And I guess I do understand now why my heart refused to accept the statement then. It was not because I wasnt a smoker then. It was coz I wasnt in love then. I did not know what love meant. I know now that Love can never be disgraced by comparing it to something as low as a cigarette. It sure does burn inside you but gives you that warmth and guides you. If a cigarette could be like Love, it would cost a fortune to own one, coz it will never end. Love lacks reason. Once you do you can never tread back. It is a very pure emotion well mistaken with infatuation. The momentary lure to a beautiful member of the opposite sex for a heterosexual and to one of the same sex for a homosexual is kinda genetic or innate. The crave to hold, to be with and to enjoy will always be there. But, that is not what love is. Love is when you know you are sure. You never will say I dont love you anymore. Never that you are no longer worth me. Coz nothing can pay for Love. Love is priceless. You might be disappointed in your love, you might want changes,but then, is not satisfaction yet another of those deep deep set feelings? When you love someone it is for yourself, for your happiness. But then, love is such a beautiful wonder that for your happiness you would start wanting to see the other one happy. Again, its your happiness that counts to you. Love should and will always remain pure, unending and would not expect results or for that matter anything at all. Its not a material relationship. Nor is it a deal made by human hands. Its the Artist's will . Oh yea, I believe in God!

Well, my thoughts. You may beg to differ. I am open to ideas. Mind is a slate. Changes can be made with a loving stroke!!! More so for me, I am a peaceful chap! Take care all of ya! May God show you your Love soon! Have a nice day!