A free tree standing!

IN THE PROCESS OF EVOLUTION!!!

2009-08-20T13:46:00.002+05:30

for a change yesterday's discussion took a different topic altogether and the conclusion was altogether different n interesting, particularly for souls like me! :D

topic began somewhere around the brief stint i had with a snake on a tree recently. :D it went on to discussion about creatures in general n finally came to human beings, the lone creature that is entirely genetically designed to stand on just two feet.. the need that drove apes to stand up n be us was our topic of discussion, again, assuming that we came from apes.. i realized in the course of discussion that humans are insanely lazy!!! apes are active, very stable while walking thin wall, climbing trees n jumping from branches to branches n so on.. but in the course of evolution, some bum monkeys probably decided that they were way too tired or lazy to cling on to branches n decided to give standing on earth a shot.. then they decided to cover up the lack of enough food on the ground by inventing cultivation n agriculture.. then the more lazy he got, more comforts he wanted at his finger tips n eventually got better brains to make things easier for himself.. then why should i be blamed for being lazy??? am just IN THE PROCESS OF EVOLUTION!!! :D

enlightenment

2009-08-19T18:32:00.002+05:30

ahhhh.. long break.. swine flu.. broken thumb.. i have nothing to do.. or perhaps i must say i have things to do that i dont wanna do.. so i am doing nothing !

but yes, i love to write.. so i have decided to blog.. i am sitting like a lazy duck.. well, are there any duck that aint lazy?? hmmm.. i must correct myself n say that i am sitting like a duck.. period!

a rather interesting thought came across me mind.. i was trying to decide whether am lazy or is it that i should just lay all my procrastination tendencies on my ill-fate? coz i know, that in the long run, i might have to suffer coz of it.. but then, whats ill-fate? what is ill or good in fate? what is fate? since nothing is predecided or accurately predictable in true essence, i think i have to discard the possibility of anything called fate!

a line i heard somewhere recently impressed me to no end. in that episode,a very possessive protective mom always stays with her girl child n they share a brilliant chemistry. the kid never lies to her mom. the mom says to someone, "wouldnt the world be a much better place if everybody had this feeling that their mom is looking over their shoulders???". i loved that line. but then i asked myself, is that motherly figure required??? dont we all have an inner self that is scared when we cross dark alleys? aint that the same inner being who makes us tensed when we do something which we know is wrong? who is that person in us?? my flatmates have been in a very funny mood lately.. lol.. no disprespect, its an interesting sequence of events of course , but its funny.. we read excerpts from a book on living life the right way.. its called "a new earth" or sumthing. then there are Bhagwad Gita sessions.. there are a lot of deliberations about attaining something along the lines of Nirvana.. it has been a very intriguing thought process for half of us.. having gone through a lot of indulgence in life thats nowhere near nirvana, i feel a tingling sensation at the thought of enlightenment! :D

enlightenment i guess is like the gabbar figure moms use to scare their kids to sleep i guess. it hardly ever comes to anyone! we guys are like veeru n jai.. :P we are going for gabbar.. or for enlightenment.. :P

anyways, moving on, when i think abt it, i guess enlightenment is like an unacheivable destination for the poor inner self of ours.. unreachable, coz we are never detached from the outer self of ours, the embodiment of all our worldly exposure n egos n desires. probably unless n until the exterior n the interior r entirely aligned to the same goal, it will remain a far cry.. i have never come across a person in my life who is completely detached from the very urges that the exterior calls for.. i havent seen a black swan either.. so i believe in neither.. :)

so i guess enlightenment is bullshit..

enough for now.. more laters when i, god forbid, break more bones.. :D

A smile...

2009-02-02T12:42:00.002+05:30

blogging after ages.. been kinda away from net access for quite some time now.. but well.. kept on writing stuff anyways behind notebooks n all.. have abt 6 stories n first chapter of a novelish stuff written.. :D. here goes the first story:

Once again I woke up to the warm gleaming stream of light entering my small room past a crack on the wooden window to the right of my bed.I searched for my glasses on the handicraft stool to the left of my bed.That is where i always kept them.After fishing it out of a messy wreck of stashed cigarette packs and newspapers I reached the door looking for newspaper. I am not one of those people who cant have their morning tea without holding their newspaper first. It was the talk of the town that when an old man was thrown out of his own house by his kids, he had started a newspaper agency and loads of people had signed him up out of sympathy. I had registered too. I always used to wish him in the mornings. He would always reply with a warm smile. Nothing more, nothing less. Lately he had been getting progressively late in delivering the paper. Old age, I suppose, was beginning to catch up with him. Once the sympathy had begun to have its effect worn off, many of the people who used to deal with him moved on to younger agents who would come in their cycles and deliver the newspapers before dawn. Since I was hardly interested in reading the newspaper, it hardly mattered to me how late it came and hence I continued with him. All i actually cared for was his smile. A simple emotion that suffused in me an excess of thirst for life, a spur to my heart beats, a grand proof of the ultimate human desire - happiness. The door was ajar but I could not find the newspaper hanging messily as usual on the gate. I had gotten up late and was almost sure when i did that i would have missed him today.I was happy that he had not come yet.I wont be missing him after all.But then, I could not help getting a bit worried about him. It was almost 11 in the morning and my kids had already gone to work. The old man had never been this late. I came back into my room and looked around just in case somebody else got it in while i was asleep.All I could see was my clothes scattered haphazardly and the old untouched newspapers stacked neatly on the far corner to the left of my cupboard. I cleaned up the mess a little and piled all my clothes into a laundry bag and threw it on the sofa. I was sweating and I could feel my heart pumping hard.Each morning of the past four years of my life had begun with the old man.Though seemingly unimportant, the fact that I am very old made me resistant to changes.With so little to look forward to, each little thing I did on any given day was like an event for me, though they might be predictable and supremely boring to people in younger clothes.Somehow, meeting this old man felt unique every time. Its a wonder how a simple smile could mean so much to me while so less was uttered. The day treaded slowly and lazily past noon. I was painting, but, my ears were waiting for a door bell and a familiar sound of old feet dragging on the pebble strewn garden path leading to the gate. My eyes were waiting for that smile. Suddenly I heard a sound at the gate and I rushed to the door as fast as my lazy flesh and bones could drag me.It was my son's car at the gate. My son, his wife and my granddaughter stepped out of the car.It was not common for them to come back home at this hour.I stared at them. They could easily see a question in my eyes i guess. But none said anything. My son slowly came to me and held me tight and whispered something into my ears. I could not understand it. Rather, I guess my body refused to hear it. I moved away from him and looked at the road leading to our gate. I was still looking out for the old man. This was the most late he had ever gotten. I made a mental note to make him sit down and have a cup of tea with me or perhaps even lunch. He should be coming any time now, I thought. "when the newspaper comes, do tell me." I said to noone in particular and was about to go inside when my son stopped me. He held me and shook me and said, " Dad is dead mom.Dead". My newspaper man would never come again.

do comment. :)
cheers.

~M~

crap! the ploy against the bad! :D

2008-04-13T23:20:00.003+05:30

Am still trying hard to get a good ending to a story that I had started writing.. but while at it, thought I should post this stupid poem that I wrote unknowingly.. I have no idea when I wrote this.. was in a deep high most probably ! :)

Stand by me as I spin a mesh
rotting mess replaced by flesh
you in my dreams make me fresh
oh, how much I love your flesh.

So goes the ploy against the bad
to rid all that makes you really sad.
fly oh my bird on those cold winds
those that soon shall ride your minds

Let them dictate you now
show you hurt and show u how
to inflict pain, to make them bow.
to promise your coffin the best tow!

------

I could make no heads nor tails out of this when i got up. Neways. L8r! Gnite! :)

Leaves turned!

2007-09-08T14:41:00.000+05:30

Winter was there for all to see. Ripe red maple leaves lay strewn all over the diamond shaped cut stone laid path leading from my porch to the gate, one red vein connecting my abode to the world outisde guarded by maple trees. The green lawns on its either sides, the pool to the north with a mermaid spewing water, the white painted bird house perched on the banyan tree, all were a treat to the eye. Yet, my bliss, my source of eternal happiness was none of these delicacies nature had to offer. My eyes were fixed on the beautiful young lady in front of me. I couldn't write down what i felt when in her company. There she walked on the stone laid path carefully picking fresh leaves that fell over night. There was an air of timeless devotion in her actions. Every now and then I could see her wetting her forehead with honeydew and looking up to the heavens as though receving god's blessings with open hands. How I wish that was true though. She piled the collection for the day by the mailbox and sat with her back against the pole on which the box stood. There she sat, the embodiment of all my joys, my cares, my worries and my love, looking at me with an expression in her eyes that could best be described as a mix of a never ending wait and a profound pride at her own effort, seeking rewards. A symbol of pure and innocent beauty, of virtues hard to find and describe. As she sat there watching a beetle crawl over her leaves, a silent storm raged in my mind. She nudged the beetle, careful not to harm it in any way, re arranged her leaves and looked at me urging for approval. I nodded even as the storm within showed no signs of weakness. Every second my precious darling spent there with her eyes fixed up at the mailbox, the gail in the abyss of my mind seemed to gain in dimensions. How was I to tell her that I had lied, that Gods wont hasten the letter she was waiting for in return for the fresh picked leaves offered. How was I to tell my love, my princess, that she would never get the letter from her mother, my dear wife whom god took away from me. The beetle sat again on a leaf and my baby looked at me and then at the beetle and said with a shaky voice. "Are you not someone's mother too? Somebody might be waiting for you. Please go, while I wait for my mother". I hugged her tight. I could see nothing, hear nothing but the storm within and my darling sobbing tucking on my shirt.

Cut!

2007-07-11T02:31:00.000+05:30

hmmmm...

this is one story that I myself loved after I wrote it down.. :)
was up on orkut for a long time. For those who dint get to read this full version, here goes:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I dont hate him, I seriously dont. Its sympathy, if thats what it can be called. I couldn't stand it, I couldnt see him like that and I bet he does understand it too." said Fredreich as he sat looking at the grey reflection of himself in the muddy lake water. Adrian was looking elsewhere. Skyscrapers stood like trees across the lake. Summer evening sun hid behind them imparting the concrete jungle a mystique aura. " Are you even listening to me?" Fredreich was beginning to feel that he was talking to himself. He put his feet down into the water and bent over to cover his face between his legs. "Fred, you know that it's not me whom you have to convince..", Adrian began slowly after a long draught of the moist air that smelt of freshly wet mud. He had always loved this fragrance but today was different. He couldn't feel the happiness that rallied into his mind everytime he experienced anything related to his childhood days. "..even I don't feel it was your fault. But don't you understand that they are different? The whole world else is alien to us three, Fred. They never understood any of us and never will."

The day had almost come to an end. Last defiant rays of tired sun that managed to outlast the buildings seemed like arrows flying straight at them. Fred lifted his head up. Tears had wet the spots that were his eyes a while ago. " But it has to be somebody's fault, right? Afterall, I could have killed him. Although i am not sure if i should be happy i couldnt do it or not. I was always a happy man, Adrian. I always had my dreams. I always aspired to grow.I cherished success,Adrian. I believed in hardwork and its fruits. I wanted to live life. But look at Allan.What is he doing in this world. How long was he going to stay squashed under that bastard whom he calls 'boss'? How long was he going to stay dissatisfied and aimless anyways? How long was he going to survive without a drive,Adrian? How mean had the world been to him? And now that I tried to relieve him of these myseries, this world believes it's upto them to decide whether I am at fault? Life has to be lived with passion Adrian. There is no room for static people like Allan here. It suffocated me to see him squirm under those whom he should have never cared about. He was too lethargic to do it and so i had to do it for him.I had to do something. I had to put an end to it. I had to kill him or atleast try my best."

"Well, that is where the difference lies between us, Fred. Ya, even i knew that Allan was a misfit here. But then, think about it, arent we all so? I myself am a disconnected man. I could not care less about a stressful,tough life myself. I seldom cared about these hurdles myself. I wandered from one green island to another in search of nothing,Fred. I was a step beyond complacency myself. I could not face challenges or fears and so i chose to avoid them. I ran, Fred, far far away from a hardworking me. I absoultely deny facing anything that stresses me out. Which is exactly why I said i cant help you when you asked me for assistance to kill him. I had to tell someone about it. I did and they saved Allan. But I guess i am too indifferent now, Fred. You can choose to do what you want with him and I promise to keep mum. Maybe you are wrong or maybe you are right, I dont know and I dont care."

" Then why dont you just go ahead and kill me, Fred?" Allan's voice startled them both. They had no idea when he reached there. It felt as if he was standing there all along. It felt as though he knew everything from what they were talking to what they were thinking this very moment. " I myself am tired of this bitch called life,Fred. You are right. There is no room for me here. I am not a fighter like you, Fred. Nor can i be free enough a bird to leave my nest as and when i have a problem like you, Adrian. I have my own limitations. I am lazy guys. I am neither taleneted nor intelligent. I have to adjust to everyone and anyone who walks over me. It's not like I dont realize it, my friends. I just dont have a choice. I was made like this. I am like this."

Fredreich got up. He searched hastily inside his pockets and found a knife. He looked at Adrian. Adrian chose to look away. He suddenly seemed to have taken an interest for the birds that were flying back to their nests. He wondered whether they were helplessly changing nests even as they were talking, leaving all that they could call their's behind. Fred looked at Allan now. He saw in his eyes helplessness, the very quality of him that Fred hated most. " come on, end me." Allan said and stretched out his wrists. Fred held his folded palms and slashed both his nerves. After about a dozen quick strokes Fred began to feel drowsy. Everything seemed to go blurred. Adrian had vanished. Allan was standing in front of him, smiling. Allan said," Dont worry Fred. Adrian had to go. He knows he cant stop it this time. We are far away from any place he could look for help."

Next day's newspaper said: " Famous computer programmer Fredreich A. Allan succeeds in his second suicide attempt."

Somewhere on a summer evening..

2007-05-26T11:31:00.000+05:30

It wasn't much of a bright summer day. I could feel the gentle breeze soak up the little shiny sweat drops that my forehead managed to put out as a mark of protest against my customary evening stroll to the Central garden. Of course it wasn't an effective fat burner, but did help me give the evening clock a faster tick. After retiring , there was nothing much to look forward to anyways. Indeed, being the only retired person in the family was boring me to the core. While it lasted, my unfamiliarity to our new locality helped me meet new people of different backgrounds and cultures. Mrs. Molly of the 10th, a well built attractive lady from caribbeans, always made it a point to wave like to a carnival troop as and when i passed. If it hadn't been for her not so private, loud display of affection for her husband, I would've suspected that she loves me. Mr and Mrs Walker had the habit of attending to their garden together in the evening. I overheard a few maids at the local coffee shop opine that the Walkers made a bit too much of fuss about a simple backyard garden which was hardly ten steps by fifteen steps in size. I had come to know from Mrs. Stella that expecting a good turnout this year, the Walkers had had their crop insured . I wonder what they would get for ten plants and a handful of mushrooms anyways.

Mr and Mrs Stell Winston worked at the same office as stock brokers. Both had been brilliant as students. At times Mr. Winston would join my evening walks. But today, apparently big client meets kept him from coming back early and so I had to sit and worry about burnt calories alone.

I always sit at the same bench in the park. Today was no different. The short concrete bench on which a couple had declared their undying love gave me a sense of happyness n satisfaction. Perhaps it was just the shade of the trees but I chose to believe that it's the association to love that the bench witnessed that made me feel at home and relaxed here. Again, the bench offered a view of the park entrance though from a distance. Every new person entering the garden brought with them the quintessential quota of human presence which without any doubt was what kept me connected to this little green spot in the concrete jungle that my city has turned out to be.

A quick refreshing breeze struck me on my face cleansing all my weariness. That was when I noticed a group of five enter the park. Tastefully dressed and adorned with bright evening clothes that blended only too naturally with the ambience of the park. Five ladies in their mid thirties I believe. One of them despite the allegiance to the group stood out. She looked charming. They sat close to me by the small pool with a fountain. The pretty one was a chirpy parrot. She was definitely a sweet soul and though married, I envied her husband for a moment. The moment then stretched and gathered magnitude as each glance fed the attraction that was swelling in my mind. Her smile was infectious. The entire group looked positively happy that she was with them. Even I was happy that I was here to witness this beauty. Her friends stood up and moved to the icecream stall towards the north end as she sat there readying some sandwiches. Lucky bread, lucky butter, lucky knife, lucky piece of earth that she sat on, lucky air that she inhaled I thought. I just knew it. It was now or never. I walked over to her and sat down by her side. I told myself that I had to come up with some conversation that was interesting and stimulating. I had to get to know her better. I asked her first if I could get some water and while I sat sipping slowly, managed to get her talking and it felt good. Her name was Elena. Slowly, I finally found out what I wanted to know more than anything else. She wasn't married. I asked for no reasons. Whatever they were, they were all favourable for me. Thanks to the burgeoning crowd at the park, her friends did not come back for quite some time and I was as happy as I ever could be.

I asked her for her phone number. She looked more than just happy to give it to me. I wrote it down and kept it safely. When her friends got back, I greeted them and got up and came back to my bench. I was happy or I was confused, I didn't know. Each heart beat reminded me of the truth. I am married and I am attracted now to a stranger. But I didn't feel bad. Nothing was wrong with getting attracted, I thought. Most probably I will never call her, I said myself. I was wrong. I called her up after about an hour which felt like a decade to me.She was alone, shopping close to my house. I called her over for a coffee. She agreed readily and in about ten minutes she was at my doorstep. She stood pretty in a white dress. She looked ravishing. "Coffee or champagne?", I enquired. There was no bounds to my joy as she came close to me whispered in my ears that a champagne could do the trick. Three glasses down, I was sure that there was nothing that could stop me from doing what I wanted. She looked pretty buzzed too. But she knew what she was doing and infact looked pretty keen too. She went around the house appreciating the paintings through the first two shots and finally landed on the couch as I gave her the third. She downed the last in a quick clean draw and with an astounding sense of surity asked me, " where is your bedroom? can we go see it?". Next I remember, we were sitting on my bed and I was kissing her neck, her arms around my waist. I held her face in my hands and we kissed. She was amazing. I had never felt better. She gave me a smile and fell back on the bed. I kissed her tummy and she let out a seductive moan.
"Ting tong" , the bell rang. I got up suddenly. I was worried. I had lost all sense of time. I had been a fool. I was supposed to be going out tonite for a dinner with family friends with my family. Elena got up too. She asked me why I looked a bit nervous. That was when it finally struck her I guess. She asked me, " You are married, aren't you?". Her eyes glistened and she said nothing. I just asked her to stay calm and to let me handle the situation first. I took her along to the door and opened it. I introduced Elena first. It wasn't hard to spot that Elena was almost in tears. That was when John, my husband, took to me the bedroom and asked me, " You din't think it was important to mention that you are married, did you ?".

lady's cycles!

2007-05-22T01:54:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: This is not an article intended at releasin pressure.. its just an observation and an inference.. :P

In ma previous post I had, after a particularly heavy lunch i guess, announced mind blowing blogs on human nature (what crap is that anyways? :P) . Anyways, to be honest, am just blogging to kill time and that very reason has made me come here again at 2 at night. :)

I had come across this video today on female period cycles and its effect on their sexual behaviour through the month. Some (self-proclaimed?) expert declared that women look out for macho looking men during their ovulation phase where they are most ready to conceive. On the other hand, women prefer sweet natured guys at other times ,for, they are the ones who can take care of the kids and the family better.

Now, being an IITian , I hardly get to see too many gals around. So, the above mentioned theory finds no potential example here. Orkut ( a networking site, for those who dont know) on the other hand, with soaring youth population has led me to come across some very funny cases. I have observed that committed gals above 20 normally have very sweet looking guys and ones below 20 years of age are with guys whom i would best compare to a cross of eminem, marilyn manson, a villager and a thick headed dumb arsehole. :P

does this mean that gals above 20 are lookin forward to settling down while the others just want a good &@# ????

ohhh anyways... now that I am on this topic, I suggest you to watch this Italian movie called The Last Kiss.. It does a wonderful job at capturing on reel the thought process a man/woman goes through when it comes to love/commitment.. :)

ummm.. guess its time to say g'nite.. infact I still am in the mood to write a story.. lemme see.. :)

an answer..

2007-05-21T17:38:00.000+05:30

ummmm...

The long break that i had from blogging led me to ask myself a question that someone had asked me a loooong time ago when i had just started blogging... "why the name -'a free tree standing' ? "

hmmm.. my motivation to blog had been some events that were unfolding around me in my life at that point of time. I was certainly feeling enthusiastic just like any beginner and at the same time, besides the zeal of a newbie, I was driven by a distinct sense of freedom (or a fighting urge for it). I was riding on waves of transformation and each ripple hitting the shores of my intellectual continent (its smaller than the smallest island, i must own up :P) infused fresh lease of life to the need for happyness acheived through freedom. I wanted to announce that my trust in what i believe is deep-rooted like a centuries old tree. Hence, I came up with this name.

Anyways, after this gap that seems like a decade to me, am getting back to blogging and this new season I believe(atleast for the time being) will be exploring some elements of human nature and behaviour that I will be looking at, standing on the shoulders of some great film makers. Indeed cinema is not life. I believe it's much bigger. An attempt by some people who think differently, at drawing up a picture out of the scars and lines that they endured through a period of search for answers and more questions , a quest that we call life.

back to blogway..

2007-05-21T16:50:00.000+05:30

Though my blogs never created any substantial emotional stir to the moron that I am, I somehow had managed to forget my blogger login/ passwd. Guess it was just lethargy that fuelled the event. Anyways, the other day I was sitting with Abir,a friend of mine, who in his customary ultra-short sports shorts was watchin an episode of two and a half men. Of course I had gone to share a fag which required me to sit through an episode of a sitcom that i had never seen before. Thanks to the brilliant lack of any need of prior knowledge of the series, I enjoyed the twenty minutes watching a kinda well made plot for the day revolving around the protagonist's forgotten childhood trauma of having seen his mother have sex with an arbit man. Freudian funda being the phenomenon portrayed, the creators threw in a bit of love making here and there to gradually 'give' back the lead role his well hidden memories. Twenty minutes up, fag-hunger satisfied , i got back to my room and driven by an urge to get back to bloggin to kill time that i have in plentiful these days , I thought I should learn a lesson from the show and started hunting for cues that would lead me to recover my lost blogger id and passwd. Indeed, after an hour of log-hunting and time-correlation to related activity i did during the days I used to blog, I managed to finally remember it and here I am. I shall blog again. And now that blogger has shifted to google accounts, I would never forget the login/passwd that I also use to enter my little blue planet. Oh no, not mother earth. I am speakin about orkut! :)
and ummm.. special thanks to that someone (that someone knows who it is) who played an essential part in the build up of the circumstances that lead me to coining orkut 'my little blue planet'.

A mirror!

2006-03-29T04:11:00.000+05:30

It was about 9:30 pm 28th march 2006..

I was walking with a close friend of mine to the OAT to see the last PAF(performing arts festival) of the year. Primary aim was to see if the PAF would make putches here and there so that we would win a second prize in the competition. Even as I stood outside the gates at around 9:45 pm I am sure I was not expecting to see the best production ever. Not that I doubted the talents of the teams involved. It was just a plain competitive spirit. A not so good one at that. Wanting to see the other fail so that I win. Anyways.. I realised in around 15 mins into the PAF that "dejavu" was gonna be an event. A landmark which will stay and raise those inevitable questions of aim, motive and desirability at each and every competition held here.

In one of my previous blogs I had written about the unending search for beauty that actually drives people unknowingly. Anshul Singhal, the story conceptualisation brain behind the PAF, surely had a very clear drive. A passion which I had always seen in him. When Kasturi(last year's 4-8-12 PAF) failed, I had seen those clouds of dissatisfaction shrouding him. That beautiful image that he wanted to see was shattered. But tonite as the crowd began applauding at the end of the PAF seeing which he started crying, I knew for sure that there was one satisfied man in the crowd. A man who dreamed, who thought different, who worked differently and who touched each and every person differently. Leaving a typical Singhal signature on each and every bit of the satisfied crowd.

I was rejoiced. I had never seen a more beautiful PAF all thru my stay in IIT. The simplicity in the complex method Singhal used to depict each and every aspect in his dream production was like a wave of thoughts each reaching you, touching you and perfectly synchronising with and making way for the next wave. Today was definately a dream come true for me. I had seen a PAF that I definately would rate above many movies I have seen in the recent past.

A very daring PAF some might say, but I will stand by my statement that it was a very wisely chosen topic touching the right nerve of the viewers. The general IITian would definately have got sweeped by the topic's sensitivity and its association with each and every one of them. It was story for them by one amongst them. It was a perfect entertainer and a perfect eye opener. If it still shone no light on you, u might as well go get urself admitted into a mental hospital.

In short I wouldnt mind calling this PAF a mirror. Each person who looked into it saw himself standing there, smiling in the broad daylight and the pleasant moonlight while crying about the red-light side that was to be the hidden side of each person.

Each person has his own share of problems, be that the teacher or the student. Each person must see his image and the image of his neighbour and try helping them. The PAF seriously helped me. I hope it does touch you. Take care. Bye..

Love and Cigarettes?!?!

2006-03-23T13:11:00.000+05:30

This incident happened loooong back in my life.. well, not so long actually.. four-five years back. But it seems like eons to me now. Maybe coz of the radical changes that happened to me since then I guess. I was in eleventh grade in St. Thomas Residential School , a very prestigious school in my city. I was sitting on a concrete bench by the beautifully maintained front garden of my school with a respected senior of mine.

I dunno why he was famous or revered, but he was. He was kinda the quintessential heart throbe of the loved-by-all beautiful gals in the campus. All gals had a crush on him. He was their hero. He was the typical NRI mallu. Rich, spoilt, handsome, cheerful.. blah blah blah..

We were sitting together and I wasnt exactly the studious kind either. So he dint quite hate me. It would be hard to say he respected me either, but then the moment had some speciality. For, he felt like talking to me and was in a mood to give me some "gyaan". About life and about his attitude, which he considered ,like any other campus hero, to be a very beautiful one.

It happened coz I asked him why he liked smoking. Oh yea, forgot to say that. He was smoking. He was taking long draughts from a RED he was holding. The famous marlboro reds were even more famous in the locality coz it was hard to lay hands on. Globalisation was slow to hit my city maybe. Or was it coz of the low market it had? well,not because it was very costly compared to the rest instead because it was famous and so people hesitated to have one. It was a pressure to be using one because else , once u start using it, u will be categorised as the uber rich and it will be difficult to maintain the standards in the other associated fields like owning a cool imported car and costly shoes and goggles and other accessories and all. I guess its still hard to find marlboros down there. Anyways, he said:
" its a style statement for me. Besides I love smoking. Started it when I was back in Dubai." (which incidentally meant he started smoking when he was in third grade. But I chose not to question him. He was a famous figure. Questioning him might have put me in the above mentioned group I feared.)

But then, he did not stop there. He went on to tell me how many things he does reflect the same ideas, about maintaining the iconic image and all. Then, all of a sudden a famous chick in the campus came and sat on his other side and gave him a peck on his cheek. It was me who blushed and not him. She told him something about meeting him sometime in the evening after tuitions or something which I heard obviously acting as though I did not. They looked cute together. She was his current gal. Yea, current.

He was famous for having had affairs with atleast 4-5 girls in the campus. She left with her friends soon after the short "show of love". Did I not see atleast two of her friends blushing just like me? I dunno. I had the impression I did. Anyways, as soon as she left , he looked at me and obviously noticing the expression on my face said, "relax.. she asked me and not u" :D

Well, I had to ask him something. The light mood that he was obviously in gave me the chance and I took it. I asked him, " Are u people in love?"

He took a full fledged breath and stretched back a bit and for the first time showing a sign of shyness told me,"yes, we are in love".

The answer confused me. Because I distinctly remembered him telling the same thing about another gal to a friend of mine two three weeks back at somewhat the same spot. I was not afraid to point that out to him.

Then came the statement that I remembered for a long time after that. I still do. And that is why I am blogging this. I dunno what prompted him. Maybe the presence of a fast finishing cigarette in his hand or maybe the thought of the other gal or both. He said " Love is like a cigarette." I was again feeling lost. I did not quite grasp the meaning of what he said. I frankly said that to him expecting an explanation to satiate the questions that arised now in my mind. Mind you, I was not the kinda person constantly in search for wisdom or anything. Just that the topic, love, was amusing to me. It always is, guess, for a teenager trying to understand the difference between love and what he feels when he sees every other good looking gal. He told me that love is a feeling that burns inside you when u see that special someone (or the group of ppl maybe for him,i thought privately!) and then there is bliss. You love every second of it. It burns in you for some time until u begin to lose interest after some time. You know you cant have it forever,it will end.Once it does, you crave for another one.The new one feels exactly the same or even better at times , just like a cigarette. And hence, he concluded solemnly, "Love is like a cigarette."

He left after saying that leaving me pondering over what he just said. Why was I getting the feeling that I did not understand what he said? Was he wrong? Or was it because I was not a smoker and so would not understand? I left the question un answered then. I had tuitions to go to myself.

But now, I smoke and I am in love. And I chanced to remember that statement once again coz of some personal reason of mine today, while I was in class tightly gripping the pack of goldflakes in my pocket craving to come out of class and smoke.

And I guess I do understand now why my heart refused to accept the statement then. It was not because I wasnt a smoker then. It was coz I wasnt in love then. I did not know what love meant. I know now that Love can never be disgraced by comparing it to something as low as a cigarette. It sure does burn inside you but gives you that warmth and guides you. If a cigarette could be like Love, it would cost a fortune to own one, coz it will never end. Love lacks reason. Once you do you can never tread back. It is a very pure emotion well mistaken with infatuation. The momentary lure to a beautiful member of the opposite sex for a heterosexual and to one of the same sex for a homosexual is kinda genetic or innate. The crave to hold, to be with and to enjoy will always be there. But, that is not what love is. Love is when you know you are sure. You never will say I dont love you anymore. Never that you are no longer worth me. Coz nothing can pay for Love. Love is priceless. You might be disappointed in your love, you might want changes,but then, is not satisfaction yet another of those deep deep set feelings? When you love someone it is for yourself, for your happiness. But then, love is such a beautiful wonder that for your happiness you would start wanting to see the other one happy. Again, its your happiness that counts to you. Love should and will always remain pure, unending and would not expect results or for that matter anything at all. Its not a material relationship. Nor is it a deal made by human hands. Its the Artist's will . Oh yea, I believe in God!

Well, my thoughts. You may beg to differ. I am open to ideas. Mind is a slate. Changes can be made with a loving stroke!!! More so for me, I am a peaceful chap! Take care all of ya! May God show you your Love soon! Have a nice day!

aye(I) aye(I) , (T)eacher!!!

2006-03-23T00:00:00.000+05:30

At 8:30 in the morning I dint know that i was going to sit in a class today which had no academic content whatsoever! Not something that obvious. Nobody would have thought of something of that sort!

But when I sat in class 17(or watever!) of my department waiting for yet another lecture on all the crazy spin orbital coupling and splitting and what not, I dint expect , though I was sure he could, my professor to engage in an informal chat with us on the sad scenario of academics in our department and IITs in general.

Well. It all started when he noticed that the number of students in the class was a bit low while taking attendance. Mind ya, students were not absent. They were in the coffee shack. They would reach in another 15 minutes. Everybody knew that. Even the professor. So he, being the most amazing chap that he is, decided to share a joke or two with us. He said something but I dint notice coz I was as usual engaged with my Fountainhead which I was obviously finding more interesting than anything that was going on in the class. If at all I was getting distracted, it was coz of the occassional drumming sprees that DOS would come up with. Mind you, even that was far more interesting than the whole teaching process going on up front.

"There was this interesting article on a survey on IITs in mumbai mirror" . I heard my atomic and molecualr physics professor saying. My head went up. Any such topic enthuses me.
"It was on the level of happiness of students in IITs by professor Tanmay Bhattacharya of HSS deptt." He said in his typical bong accent. I love bongs for some particular reason these days.:D

I listened with all possible alertness I could muster. He continued, " They said that their survey showed that IITB students are least happy while IITK ones are the most happy guys around." He said that the reason cited by the surveyors was that: " There is nothing outside kanpur and kaharaghpur IITs and other IITs while bombay has lot many things to offer which the students are missing due to academic pressure which makes bombay students sad!"

Are these the only reasons? How accurate is the survey? How can they judge our happiness? How succesfully can a questionnaire filled by IITians casually be trusted to pass a judgement like this.

Well. Speaking of other reasons, the students came up with atleast 4-5 more of them when my professor asked for it more as a gesture rather than actually asking for any! He himself came up his observation that the faculty might be failing somehow to catch the students interests. He asked us for the possible reasons for this. I could see the pain, the desperation and fear of failure in his eyes. It was not a simple question he was putting forward. It was more of an expression of the pain he faced as a professor. The passion with which he chose the teaching profession (unlike many other professors who landed up being professors!) was clear for all to see. I felt bad.

But I dont regret my ways. My not so studious approach these days has its own reasons. He rightly was talking my mind when he said that the reason of academic failures of students was that they come to IIT only with the dream of clearing JEE which they took as a challenge. And then, the moment they are here they tend to relax and lose aim and in the process screw up the first two semesters which believe it or not form the foundation for the years to come! Then on , its a chain reaction. Either they try real hard after that making up for all the loss or else end up being like me! Complacency and procastrination rules my academic schedule! How so disgusted do I feel about it. Well, leave it at that.

There are other reasons obviously. Just like there are always other wishes in a young child's mind. The pathetic state of teaching is one of the most important ones. Teaching is an art. Though I am not accomplished or in any state to comment on it I have my opinions just like any other village fool's on the reasons for a Tsunami. The teacher should more than just teach perform his part. He should ensnare the senses of his audience. He should take each and every one with him. He is not performing for the select few in the front rows. Yes, there are always the spoilsport crowd of backbenchers (not necessarily backbenchers and not necessarily all backbenchers.. its more like an imagery!) But I believe even they can be trapped by the effortless artist's performance if he is creative and aesthetic enough.

Then there are the TAs. God! I guess I dont have to say more about them. Any student who has faced any of the dunderheads seen in plenty in various labs provided as samples of how- one-must- not- turn- out- to- be would agree to it when I say that they are failures of the whole educational system. I even doubt wether the system is corrupt. Are they taking bribes and letting them enter. Or are the physics lab TAs chosen by english professors. I dunno. I will always wait for an answer to this I guess.They are moronically mechanical and boring and confusing and confused and.. and.. and.. I am lost for words to describe them. They are so precious. :P

Then came up the issues on flexibility of course structure. Why cant they (I dunno who exactly I am refering to here! anyways whoever wants to take up reponsibilty may do so! if they happen to read this that is.. which I dont expect.. so nevah mind.. lets just say "they".. the criminals, the wrong doers..:P) just make life a whole lot simpler for us ,aspiring engineers ,by letting us to do what we want to rather than what they want us to! Why does the mistake that we did by chosing one department or course due to our sheer ignorance of details of what goes on inside have to linger with us all through our precious college life?! Why cant we chose a multidisciplinary educational style.

Lets just study the boogey trap: (courtesy mah friend Ankur Dubey)

Say, a student likes a particular subject very much. He scores well and is outstanding in it. But he doesnt like and doesnt want to care about the other subjects. He gets low and pathetic grades in them. The overall score card is abysmal but he is happy. He hopes he will go ahead and pursue a detailed study in the field he liked. He tries taking an elective in that particular topic. He faces the committee. They , in a single merciless stroke, slash is dreams and turns him down. Why? coz he cant take the load according to them. I merely would say, What The Holy Fuck!

Who was wrong? what was wrong? where is the mistake? I guess I will never know. Sad part is, that poor guy might just end up with someone like me, who has no interest in anything at all. Well though, I have an interest. I might just be happy doing some interior designing or maybe open a restaurant. I love working. I dont really care the pay package. I dont want to be rich and affluent. I want to be happy! Never mind.

Thanks for reading through. Have a nice day. Take care.

general fart!

2006-03-21T02:41:00.000+05:30

Arbit quotes. All mine. So might not make sense here and there. Just ignore!

1) I was in a very destructive mood, so i chose to wake up!

2) Water quenches my thirst and smoke, my mind's!

3) Trees are beautiful , weed is heavenly!

4) I drink glucose and run; i weed and fly!

5) The road lies ahead of me, if only i could open my eyes and stand up!

6) Ah well, why the hell are successful people said to be going down in the history!

7) I need capital, to cap it all!

8) My gal is good, whose line is she anyways! :P

.....

take care all of ya! god! its 2:50 am.. i gotta sleep now!

café

2006-03-20T17:55:00.000+05:30

During those initial days of my second year in college mah mind would say to me:

Getting up at 8:00 in the morning is one difficult task. Going to a class where you are sure to doze off is even more difficult.

Times change and so did mah mind's stand. Beginning of the third year:

Getting up at 8:15 is shitty maan.Damn the strict attendance rule. But aha, whom do they think they are pitted against! I will go there are and rest (rust!) in peace.

Time dint stop there either. Neither did mah poor mind. Second semester of third year:

God! It's 8:25. F**k, I am surely not gonna make it in time for da attendance.. chuck it! lets sleep for some more time. (ten mins later..) God! I have to go. Or, should I just stay?! well. I guess I should. (packing bag..) "where da fuck is my Fountainhead?!". Mind ya, not Q mech books, nor Statistical mechanics books nor the damned electromagnetic theory and condensed matter physics books but Fountainhead.

Fountainhead has quite captured my thoughts these days. Mind ya , Iam no voracious reader. Still I loved its way of presentation and the matter itself. I havent yet reached the interesting parts of the story but I am finding myself pretty enthused. I am loving Howard Roark. I feel Henry Cameron cudve been exploited more though. Dunno if there is more of him ahead. Anyways, wud love it if he gets back to the centre of action.

But yea, the reason why i blogged is not cause i wanted to say about any of these.

I just wanted to say that I went and had two cups of coffee with DOS at gulmohar today in the evening and i just loved it. Nothing can be compared to good ol' coffee maaan! I love coffee!

hola.. good times maan!

2006-03-18T11:26:00.000+05:30

Whiff.. whiff..

I could hardly get enough of that life saving oxygen as I climbed the narrow winding sideroad leading to the Hotel Padmini Nivas,a summer retreat that passed through many royal hands only to be converted into a pleasant resort in the so-called queen of hills, Mussoorie!But I knew I had to go on. I had to reach the reception and confirm my booking.I had to check into the amazing ambience that will serve as my most memorable holiday experience ever!

If you by any chance got to see a hungry tiger pouncing on a wholesome deer, you will understand it when I say that I felt like eating up Mussoorie.. each bit of it! It was my first hill station experience and God knows it was hell lotta fun! :)

The trip flagged off with me going to delhi on an amazingly boring train that crawled like a snail. Local transport buses back in my state would at times not stop for people who wanted to enter. But this one, this amazing dadar-amritsar "express" was certainly an "express"ion of politeness.
It literally stopped for each and every person who wanted to enter I guess. It stopped at the simplest of hand signals. God!

Anyways.. finally i reached New Delhi station. And in another 2 hours time my girl and I set out for the above said mussoorie trip. The travel to Doon was loooooong..A 7 and half hrs journey instead of a normal 6 hrs one. Then a scary bus ride up the hilly road that lead us to Mussoorie. Sunlight fast disappeared and all that was left in the bus that could be called a source of light was the red LED like dot from driver's beedi which incidentally he lit leaving the steering wheel all to itself on a winding mountainous road leaving us both shell shocked! And we had to sit in the first row! But whatever, the old chap was an amazing driver. Some maneuvers were actually breathtaking. Had fun, in short.

Then finally we reached our resort and gosh. We were happy! hell ya! Amazing room with a panoramic view of the mall road and the surrounding beautiful steppe cultivated land. Staying in the plush, cozy interiors was a much better and an obvious choice over facing the cold and the rain outside . On top of that it was a suite. Should I say more? Ekdum royal ishtyle! Only sad part was that they wud serve us veggie food. But then, there is always the better option. Go out and hog! And that is exactly what we did. First we tried some of the restaurants in hotels that were already known to us thanks to the ground work we did before hand. But then, they were expensive and would really prove to be a big pocket burner. And then we set out in search of these two restaurants our extra polite receptionists suggested called the Tavern and The Four Seasons. But we didnt want to have food that was offered on menus across the country.We like to try new and different things and going by my girlfriend's suggestion, we chose a Tibetan restaurant. To speak the truth, the place initially looked highly shady to me. But then, the aroma, the magical scent that reached our nose from the food that people around us ate saw to it that we smack our lips every now and then to prevent the river of saliva that was lashing the walls of our mouth in anticipation of tasty food. And then the food came and so did the aroma. But this time around the taste overpowered every other sense . The food was awesome to say the least. We loved every bit of it. No negatives whatsoever! Result: we spent over 300 bucks on each meal there. And 300 bucks is lots of food in a restaurant like that!

Anyways.. other than the food part, I loved the beauty of the place very much. The ropeway travel was fun. The gun point view was also amazing. Wish I had the camera along then. Anyways , wont be able to forget any of the moments spent there.

Will put in some pics taken through the trip soon! Suggesting all of you to go to mussoorie once atleast I am signing off!

Teri Yaad!

2006-03-07T01:26:00.000+05:30

Well.. its amazing how a song can entirely describe one persons state of mind ..

ya, its true..

this song by Jal- an amazing band from Pakistan desrcibes my feelings.. its called Teri Yaad..

TERI YAAD
--------------
Teri yaad aye jab mujh ko, main laut aaon ga
woh bheegi yaad aur baarish boondein
main bheeg jaoon gaa

faaslay simat na sakayl raastay jo mitt na sakay
in faaslon ko simtana hai; in raaston pay

yeh dil ki baat, koi jaaney na jaaney; main keh jaoon gaa
woh teray saath guzaaray lamhay, na bhool paoon gaa
jo sapnay sajaye dil se, khushi ke pal; bitaye mil kay

kya paya main ney kya khoya
kab jaga hoon main kab soya

teri har baat rulaye jab mujh ko, main laut aaoon gaa
teri woh chah, sataye jab mujh ko, main kho jaoon ga

well.. courtesy: http://www.muziq.net/lyrics

maan.. I love this song..

A Simple story!

2006-02-15T13:21:00.000+05:30

Hi all,

I just got this randomn thought of jotting down some of the academics related (read on and u will find it has nothing academic in it!) events in my life!

wont be much of an exciting affair as far as a general reader is concerned, but yea, might tickle you here and there and would be a very good round up of my academic life!

To start off.. I should give you a proper introduction to myself!

I am Abhilash.. Iam an engineering student in third year persuing a bachelors in Physics in IIT Bombay.

Now that i have told you who and where I am, I should tell ya why I am here and how I came here!

The question now is, why?

It is because of a simple reason which would be that I was stupid and dint know what i needed! My brother was an exceptional (watever!) student and managed to qualify the prestigious (again, watever!) IIT JEE exam and came to IIT Bombay to do a dual degree program here. Well.. he should have just done a bit of studies, packed his bags when he was ready for the world and looked for a job! But it was not meant to be! he had to study, had to be this exceptional scorer of whom parents can be proud. But definately not the struggling brother suffering from mega atmospheres of peer pressure!

well.. anyways not thinking about me (and according to me, abt himself) he went on studying and went on to be the topper in his class!

Expectations.. thats the word that should be deleted from the dictionary first. It is a big pain in the ass when parents have those from you! And my case was no different. I was this sweet child in class who had no ambitions but to remain alive (and kicking!) all the time.

But then, when you start getting things with ease and when you study in a school where teachers remembers your brother a lot, problems begin to surface. My favourite physics teacher used to refer to me as junior Anu Chandran (my bros name) . Then one day it so happened that i got the lowest in class in one physics exam. 1.5 out of 50 .. well, it was amazingly low! But then, that day he didnt relate me to anyone else.

I realised that when you go wrong, you are left all alone. None else cares to look at the surroundings and the circumstances. Result was that I decided to fight. I did. And interestingly enough for me, I never was second to anyone in scoring in physics from that day on in school. Then again that bad word ,expectations, raised its hoods!

Not just parents but my friends started expecting wonders from me. And all i did in return for them was bunk as many classes as possible and go play basketball. Definately i improved my game. I firmly believe that my brother still cant play a game except ya cricket which any kid who can lift a stick can boast of!

Then on , i did some real good work at tuitions just to impress some cute chicks who were in my batch. To my astonishment i found out that gals hardly need A grades from guys. All they need is a cheerful, presentable, good looking guy who is sensible, witty, intelligent within limits and really understanding and to some extent horny and sexy. Well tough combo to get. And i was definately not one. So with no success whatsoever in site i decided to fight even there. But by that time even my tuition teachers had started expecting from me.

Thats why Iam here.. Because of the expectations of a lot of people. Now going into the second question as to how I reached here. Dont expect a miraculous student's life story ahead!Its a request , plzzzz!

So, Finally some friends of mine and I decided to go to Delhi for the prestigious intensive care program by FIITJEE for IITJEE. Well, it was called a crash course and it stood up to its name. I crashed into Delhi to find it teeming with this colour that i had never seen in life. Amazing cool girls just seemed to be there everywhere. Two friends of mine and I got a chance to get glimpses of some of the hottest scenes imaginable at that age for an average mallu guy! :P

result: I crashed my way outta the run for IIT.well a rank of 2900 was no good!

well, you might be thinking how on earth I managed to get in then!

I was down, but not out. I am a fighter. If I feel I need to work on something I will.

But then, truly speaking, I had no true want to be in IIT. Though the general info that Mumbai is far more cool than Delhi(which was HOT!) was forcing me to fight hard to get into IIT through a second attempt, I was not all that interested. So again my parents put some pressure on me. And so I was bound to Kota, the JEE factory, on a Rajdhani!

I reached kota and got admission into Bansal classes and also made arrangements for stay . It was an unfinished, unfurnished house then. But I stuck on. I did a lot of hard work initially, firstly to get accustomed to hindi and secondly to get accustomed to the food there. Then I made some friends. Then on, life was easy. Lots of amazing classes like those of Prof. Rajan Khare and Prof. Bansal himself filled my mind with enough fun to last a lifetime. I was happy with what I was doing.

And finally I cleared JEE with a screening rank of 143 and a mains rank of 467.

Thats how i got in!well.. more later!

Mohe Rang De Basanti!!!

2006-01-30T19:04:00.000+05:30

no.. dont run off.. this is no spoiler! (though I believe that nothing can spoil your first experience of Rang De Basanti-RDB)

mmmmm..

I loved the movie.. its one of the best hindi movie I have seen! Ossome is da word for it!

It was no horror movie, but, right from the start to the final scene the movie kept me glued to the seat. Well, retelling of stories of good ol' freedom fighters in no new cash-in item for bollywood. But, the way things are done in RDB is not just out of the common ways, its bang on the best road taken , ever!

Aamir Khan fails to keep you happy. He keeps you mad with glee all through!

Well, the basic idea was not just to create a historical movie,instead, it aimed at the revival of the youth.

I dunno how much the movie was a success in that direction. But surely, I am touched. And the best part is, when such a movie projects a single issue and manages to have an impact on one, the effect is rather multi faceted. As in, not just that single issue remains in one's mind anymore. All pressing needs are worked upon. All dirt cleaned. On my way back to campus with my best pal Sunil, we were having discussions on similar stuff.And one of the primary things that we landed our gaze on was the huge division in our country based on region. No, I am not speaking about the much praised cultural diversity we have. I am talking about the regional intolerence prevelent here.

My outlook I know is limited. But in this small town called IIT itself I can see a huge ridge between the people from different zones!

Well known is the "gulti" term in IIT. The students from Andhra Pradesh are called Gultis. I dunno why. Some claim its coz they speak "ulti" hindi. Well, naming people from different regions differently is not a bad thing. It sounds more like an identification in that case. But the usage here is more derogatory than anything else.

And its not just the Andraites.. most southies are looked down upon. (well my opinion) I am a mallu myself. And I know how difficult it is to get people to even care to listen to what I am saying. The general northie doesnt even expect me to talk I guess. :P.. Anyways, I feel this issue needs to be worked on.

I thought of a solution and the first thing that came to my mind is a cross state cult group.. Dunno how much feasible it is. But if we manage to get something of that sort pulled off and if people start respecting their fellow countrymen, I guess our first step to developement can be climbed!

set out!

2006-01-17T21:25:00.000+05:30

ah, i should say i am happy today
i got some difficulties outta my way!

now love each other , we do like the rest
sure iam that we are gonna stand the test!

to talk ,we decided ,in real sweet words
and that makes me feel we are like little love birds!

arent we happy, soon you'll know
for our honeymoon, as we go!

Amazing

2006-01-15T20:00:00.000+05:30

amazing it is.. really.. some might disagree..

but it is..

the game of basketball..

Its one amazing piece of recreation man ever thought up!

yea, you heard it right!

I said recreation.. its a sport that ensnares your senses.. it has the basic element that we look forward in anything we do!

ask me now what we look forward to in everything..

you might be thinking now what relation there is between listening to Pink Floyd and making an extra superb micro controller and doing an out of the world fake in basktetball has is common ( yea, of course , only if you are my type and still dont know what i know will you have this qn.! )

well.. they all have this " beauty " that we look forward to!

as long as you are chained by the stream of common thoughts, as long as you are the dead fish in a river, you cannot think free.. you cannot think straight..

the whole idea behind quest for new things and unearthing the brilliant past at the same time is the search for beauty..

now one might be forced to think what beauty is..

well.. beauty lies in the eye of the beholder (yea beerholder, if that makes you happy! :P ) .. i would call anything beautiful if it can cause that tingling sensation of happiness in me.. it would have this rhythm, stability and elegance that you would long to savour and to have these traits in everything you do..

And so the three activities mentioned a while ago goes on to be in the same category, beautiful stuff!

Listen to "time" by Pink Floyd.
some lines that i personally love in it are:
"Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death "

maaaaan, they make so much sense.. and then always there is Gilmour or Waters.

same goes as far as the microcontroller part goes. How beautiful it is when a little piece of nonliving thing you created thinks for itself and does what its designed for in style..

and so does an amazing fake in basketball make you happy!

And the whole point of my writing all this crap was that I played amazingly (ofcourse, according to me :D ) today !

I guess it should prove good for me, with interhostel tourney coming up soon!

Wish Me Luck!

C-C-D !

2006-01-15T00:26:00.000+05:30

... or cafe coffee day is where I found myself!

when? (You Might Ask- YMA)

today in the evening..

why? (YMA)

coz i wanted to spend some time off.. some time with a friend of mine.. a real close on at that..

well, then? (YMA again)

then what! what a stupid qn.. i gulped down a hot cuppa of Cafe Grande (with an Irish flavour add-on!)

well, whats so special here then? (YMA though you are bugged and dont wanna!)

well, nothing much to be precise.. but had to pull this friend's legs.. :D
so lemme introduce..
Sunil Kundal

This guy is one helluva lazy guy!

Very good at some stuff but amazingly.. ahem ahem.. at others!

So, why were you with this guy? (YMA and I am sure u r least bothered!)

coz i feel that we missed something when we spent a lotta time apart (ref. : previous blog!)

Then, what happened? (YMA with some interest now! )

then is the sad part.. this guy is a bloody hungry moron! the place was empty when we started off! (eating ofcourse,what else!?)

but he started off eating..

firstly he ordered a cappachillo and a chicken hotdog which like any other food item perished and my friend didnt look happy..

he sat there downing the cappa-whatever.. and i kept waiting..

well.. i could feel that he was contemplating the prospect of getting something more to eat.. voila... true i was!!! he ordered for cheese croissants!

And my coffee was over!

gosh! this guy loves cheese and eats cheese sandwiches like they were his daily bread!

and then, i looked around and found to no suprise that the place was deserted already!

and then, finally the croissants vanished too..

and we gave a final look at the amazing eatables they have shown on their walls and decided its better to leave..

They looked amazing!

Well.. Its a start!

2006-01-15T00:13:00.000+05:30

well.. well.. everything has a first time.. so does blogging.. Havent really got anything interesting to blog right now.. ya, except maybe a recent update of my situation!

well..

i had gone through a really disorganised stretch of time for the past 6-7 months. dont ask me why.. my frnz know.

A strong belief in my love held my hands and led me to this small cube where I am contained, breathless and stupid!

Found out recently that my love hardly loves me! wow, what a thing to realize! yea you might say that i have been stupid if i had failed to see it so far! but no. I would say that I just missed a lot of facts blinded by love! Well.. as she puts it, I have been going through an emotional saga, a family drama in which she has no interest! but then, where have all those promises gone.. where are those times we shared ?! where is my love.. where did all my efforts go?

Am I just an immature kid that she believes I am, or am i not right in trying and doing all i could to stay on in this relationship!

If I got sad and hurt myself, is that just a plain attention seeking act? Am I not getting hurt? Am I senseless? Is pain not a part of my life?

Why did i do what i did?

Can anyone give me answers?!

I would look foreward to them!